Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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