It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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