Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Your penis caused this!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
