i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
