You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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