that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
