i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
