the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
