well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
