Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
