I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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