yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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