I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
