I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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