I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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