but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
