I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
