Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
