Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
