Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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