1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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