i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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