every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
