some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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