Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
