dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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