Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
