I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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