idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
