You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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