Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
