i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
