so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
