brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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