It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
wow bdsm is so cute
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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