I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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