Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
