its not stalking. its research.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you traded sex for a burrito?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
