This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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