dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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