Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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