life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We named our party play list daddy issues
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Text me some of your sweat
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