Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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