i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
