There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
