it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
