Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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