this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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