Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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