Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
